Spoilers: This show has always been about loss. One of the prime motivating factors I had for this show was losing my cat in February this year. And as an author, you typically go, “Hey, how do I make other people feel what I’m feeling now?”

The terrible thing about loss is that you have to go on. For years. As Cassandra says, it becomes the new normal. But so does the pain.

I have tinnitus. I have never known what it’s like to hear without a constant high pitched ringing. And that’s okay – I can hear fine otherwise. Obviously. I do edit these audio dramas which my actors assure me sound incredibly good. But the pain of loss is like that. It’s always there. And for Cassandra, it’s also mixed with the guilt of having caused that loss, in some way, no matter what reassurances Elijio gives.

So, welcome to the time skip episode, as popularized by your favorite manga. I had first considered skipping five years, and then three years, but when it came time to do the writing, I figured two years was the sweet spot for moving on but still having some remnants of hope. Cassandra has a full time job now, working both sides like Jean Marsh in Upstairs, Downstairs. Originally, I didn’t have the two slice-of-life scenes in the intro of Cassandra interacting with the Upstairs and Downstairs security, respectively. My editor Tony insisted that I add them so we can see what her life is like, before going into how she spends her off-hours. (Also, what was I supposed to do, not drop a Vampire Survivors reference in the show?)

Nichole was originally going to be a pro-domme but then the story necessitated that she and Cassandra be dating so Nichole changed into a girlfriend. I really appreciate that Kelsey was willing to do the role. I’d been wanting to get Kelsey in an audio drama since Brittle Tourniquet. But she was hesitant. The role of Nichole was enticing enough though, she said, and so we finally got her. Yay! Because she nailed the character.

When I was thinking about how Cassandra would be living her life, I always knew that she would want to continue Samael’s salons with someone. (Hell, I would like to have a scene like that someone – tops can HMU on my DMs.) And it’s amusing that we start on their discussion on the nature of evil but the episode quickly gets serious about it, so it’s more emotional and tragic when we see Nichole for the final time.

Also note that Nichole says, “I will nightdream all about it.” Because Kindred aren’t up during the day. So they can’t daydream. … I’ll see myself out.

Minor trivia – Nichole is from St. Louis because a friend of mine is also from there. As well, for the line: “You create the words, “God is great.” But then you have to consider the possibility of “God is not great.” And then it slips from your mind into the world.” I actually got this concept from another Mastodon person (who probably would not prefer to be linked to) who was putting together a conlang, and posted something similar to: “I wrote ‘[Name] is pretty’ but then I had to consider that you could also write ‘[Name] is not pretty.’ And that made me very sad.” I definitely feel for that critter.

So in the original primordial outline, Cassandra was dating Amanda too, but I thought, eh, that’s kinda a lot, and I wasn’t convinced of my acting chops being able to maintain chemistry with Rachel. Anyhow, we find out what Amanda’s been doing – working guard duty with the new sheriff. Someone has to since Brian took out so many of Judith’s gang.

Incidentally, I may not have been clear in the show, but Cassandra is still alive despite having killed Judith because it was politically convenient for the Ventrue to be able to put their own sheriff in charge. Now, everyone has their eyes on Cassandra in case she does that again. But the months after Judith’s murder were full of strife and Cassandra was not a priority at the time, especially since she was funding both war efforts.

Now, Cassandra and Amanda lament that Simon has disappeared. Where has he gone? Will you find out in Season 2? Spoilers, I have no idea yet. I just didn’t really have a good place for him in Episode 7 so I sorta dropped him for now. His arc was pretty much finalized in Episode 5 and I didn’t really have anything for him to do except worry the main characters about what may have happened to him.

Now, clever-eared folks may have been wondering all this time, “why haven’t there been any murders in Harbinger’s? Don’t Kindred lose control of their Beasts sometimes?” (A friend of mine literally told me recently that it took her out of the story a bit.) Well, here you go. Murders have been happening and Cassandra is just dealing with them. I adore Rachel’s performance where Cassandra describes “We had to puppet him out, arrange for his body to be shipped to a hotel, and set him up with his face in a pile of coke.” Cassandra has had to grow hard to survive as the Temple Warden. Poor girl. But hey, great opportunity for acting!

At last, we meet the new Prince Sophia, dumped by the Ventrue onto Seattle probably because of her availability. Sophia is an awful manager. She is perfect for her bosses because she knows how to present results to them and assign blame as needed. She is absolute hell to work for because she doesn’t have a fucking clue about working with people. Everything she knows about managing is probably from some 18th century manuscript on organizing buffers between yourself and the lower classes. Sophia calls Cassandra by her last name and is frustrated that Cassandra can’t solve Sophia’s money problems. Those aren’t Cassandra’s problems but Sophia is saddled with Harbinger’s and over the past year or so has lost sight of what it protects her against. Sophia never saw what Seattle was like without Harbinger’s. She’s also terrible at working with people because she doesn’t like them. Just her upper-crust friends. Bleh. Anyhow, Sophia is the power structure Cassandra is saddled with, and so she serves to the best of her ability.

Writing Cassandra standing before Sophia required a great deal of mental gymnastics, to be able to “yes, and” her as well as speaking as truthful as she can without criticizing her.

Anyhow, Harbinger’s is clearly screwed and on borrowed time. Could Cassandra save it? Probably not.

Also I fucking love Cassandra’s retort to Esther, “We all live with our choices. But mine are small. Yours are the choices of gods. And I am your result!” About the nicest “fuck you” she could give to Esther and still keep her life. Again, I was very surprised a line of that quality came out of me.

So Siobhan has left her warehouse job, not entirely by choice. The war burnt out Lorea and someone needed to pick up her slack. Burnout is real, especially in leftist circles. And often no one is available to do the missing work. And life goes on. Anyhow, we see how Cassandra has changed, having to be more of a Camarilla mouthpiece because she knows they will read her mind. Siobhan hasn’t changed though. She’s just back at her organizing work. Probably a lot changed after the war for her too. Getting back in Cassandra’s good graces wasn’t a priority.

Also, could Sophia be more blatant that she was planning to attack the Anarchs? Sheesh. What did she think was going to happen, Siobhan would just give Cassandra more security and have fewer bodies to protect Anarch territory? Oh please. More reasons why she’s awful.

And we come to Harbinger’s final night. At last, the Sabbat attack. We always knew they were going to attack. And here they are. Sabbat voice actor Maeve came to me expressly looking to play a hammy villain and I did not disappoint her. Nothing gold can stay. Nichole’s girlfriend gets fridged, but loss isn’t unique to Nichole. I wanted this scene quick to be done with it. I also wanted Cassandra to be able to blame herself for it – she could have shut down the feeding chamber early. She’s probably done it before. But she kept it open because Kindred needed feeding and what’s the worst that could happen?

What did I say about complacency? Especially after two years where she’s handled murders before.

Cassandra has held onto that contact information for the Naval Liaison for some time. And she never had a good reason to call it without something to offer. And now she finally has it.

I didn’t know who I was going to cast as the Naval Liaison. But so many of our voice actors have comedy voices that they do on the side. Trunk Slamchest’s Penelope was a joke elderly voice originally, until I perverted it into a dramatic role. Similarly, the Naval Liaison is Katherine Cross doing a suburban Karen voice. It’s a joke when you do it for friends. It’s drama when you do it for me. (That said, Just Another Twink did a whole range of cartoon voices for me that I couldn’t think of a single way to use. Sorry, dear.)

So Sophia is horrified by the loss of a slightly profitable club, and by Cassandra passing over one of her people (even if they were a Sabbat) to the military/Second Inquisition. At last, Cassandra finds the one bit of natural rights among Kindred – we don’t hand each other over to the humans. (Unless it becomes politically convenient to do so but that’s another story and certainly not in a human’s hands.) Writing Cassandra in this scene was particularly tricky because she is twisting everything Sophia says into a positive. She’s trying to keep her club. This fiasco is manageable. Really. It is. Uh huh. But it’s all she can do. “I am not allowed subterfuge in this court.” Because they can read her mind. And it’s grating on Cassandra that she is not allowed to participate in the backstabbing that makes the court – that Esther has perfected.

Exiled home, Cassandra uses Lorea as an escape excuse (an extremely flimsy one) and as a reason to catch up now that the club is probably a goner. Cassandra fills Lorea in with her plan to try to get access to the Kindred on the Kitsap base. Maybe Samael is still there. Or Silver. Who knows?

(I know and I’m not telling you. Just keep in mind that this is, in Rachel’s words, a romantic tragedy.)

Lorea does offer Cassandra an Embrace here. But Cassandra certainly wouldn’t be able to stay in Seattle. And she’s not good at hiding. She is tempted but her pragmatism wins out.

Finally, Cassandra descends into the Underworld. At Kitsap base, she is taken underground in a bunker and speaks with three captured Kindred, including the Laughing Sabbat. I used this scene as an excuse for Cassandra to embrace her own dark manipulative side. To show off how much she’s learned working with Kindred night in, night out. To show how desperate she is that the next Kindred she sees in the Underworld is Samael.

Rachel originally wanted to play the Laughing Sabbat scene by ridiculing the Sabbat (“The Dark Father destroys all. The Dark Father destroys all.” in a mocking tone). I had to insist, no. She’s trying to get in the Sabbat’s head. She’s making the Sabbat uneasy with her, being honest with the Sabbat and then setting them off-kilter until they make a mistake and reveal too much – “Elixir.”

Next is Cynthia, a poor Thin Blood who got picked up. I think I described her to Alyrian as a beach hippie? Her purpose is her connection to Zachery, who we last saw in Episode 4. (Yes, I set up a lot of things in advance.) She’s obviously a victim in all this and I wanted to show Cassandra’s sympathy for her. Unlike with the Sabbat, Cassandra’s honesty is kind, but still manipulative. Cynthia gives her name away in hope that something better will come from Cassandra down the line.

The last visit is with Silver, who is not doing well, but to whom Cassandra gives Lorea’s message of hope. All of these poor Kindred in detention. It really makes me mad.

Finally, the Naval Liaison reveals that she suspects Cassandra of being a Kindred herself, even though she’s seen her in the day. Cynthia can probably daywalk though. The Naval Liaison doesn’t know everything about Kindred, except that their sensitive noses react badly to a particular spray. We discussed Kindred’s smelling sensitivity in Episode 4 and I wanted to focus on scent as a sign of one being a Kindred. Even in Episode 1, Samael told Cassandra that Kindred can smell her wherever she goes. But it’s also a detriment when you can’t turn it off.

Anyway, Cassandra is pissed about being tested but at the same time, she doesn’t want to anger the Liaison. She wants back in.

After informing Lorea that her message got to Silver, Cassandra is picked up by Esther. Things are not going to go well and Cassandra is unrepentant. What would be the point of an apology anyway? As Cassandra says, “Which is worse? A lie in defiance? Or the truth in shame?” And Esther completely misses what Cassandra is saying. She just goes for the lie immediately. She doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Cassandra is very lucky that Sophia knows what vengeance Lorea and the Anarchs might wreak were they to hear that Sophia killed Cassandra. Sophia does have half a brain after all, so she frees Cassandra from servitude and banishes her. If you know me, this is a major theme in my writing. Back in the 90s, I was able to participate in the Boston fetish/BDSM scene but after transitioning, no one was interested in playing with me. So I was essentially cast out and it still hurts me to this day. I want my audience to feel it to, although in Cassandra’s case, it is a blessing in disguise. She no longer needs to be useful among the Kindred to survive. They trust her to keep their secrets as she knows intimately what will happen if she does not.

Trivia: originally Cassandra’s final words to the court were something like, “I need to pick up my car from the Anarchs” where it was parked. But obviously, that’s not a particular good final line. So I let that plot point slide.

Banishment from the Kindred’s world also means Samael’s rooms, so Cassandra says her parting words to Esther there. She’s going to have to start her life on her own.

The next scene with Nichole I believe is what sold the part to Kelsey. Nichole chooses not to Embrace her girlfriend. To do so wouldn’t just be unethical – it would risk losing her girlfriend if she didn’t want to be Embraced or if she found the concept of being a Kindred horrific. More reasons not to do so than to do it. Kelsey really knocks this scene out of the park. Bravo.

And Cassandra is back in the human world. With a huge pile of cash, of course. Sophia has to leave her something if she is to live and keep her trap shut. So after buying a new place to live (and presumably staying in a hotel until the paperwork goes through), Cassandra gets bored of being alone and returns to her touchstone, Stephanie. Like with Siobhan, Cassandra is not looking for forgiveness. She’s going to pay her dues. She starts volunteering at, what I imagine, is Southside Commons in Columbia City. And Stephanie recognizes that she’s putting in the work. They reconnect in a friendly way.

And then Cassandra runs into Zachery again. It makes sense – Cassandra has met all the Seattle Kindred, so non-zero chance she was going to run into one after her banishment. Zachery is sympathetic (although a little manic). He eagerly accepts a drink and Cassandra enjoys hers again. He seems mostly harmless. He wishes her the best from within the Kindred world to which she can’t belong.

And now a side note – this is bad practice but I do search for Blood Doll references on the Internet. And one of the things I find is posts from people talking shit about Blood Dolls. I won’t name names, but they’re all talking about how laugh-inducing it is for humans to get addicted to the Kiss. How sad and weak of them. We should pity them.

First off, fuck you with your fucking slut shaming, addiction-shaming bullshit. If people are having a good time together, fuck you, it’s none of your fucking business. Being a slut if you want to be is fantastic. Highly recommend. What fucking patriarchal asshole did you climb out of where you want to control people’s sexuality. And if you’re dropping addiction metaphors into this too, fuck you with a rusty crowbar on Sundays. You’re why politicians keep closing down harm reduction centers where people can use needles safely which have been proven to fucking work. Go jump in a volcano and stop listening to my fucking show. We don’t need your Puritanical self-righteous bullshit.

Whew. Okay, back to the show notes.

I wanted to show Cassandra getting used to being in the human world again, so I wrote about Stephanie taking her out for drinks. They’re warming up to each other again. Cassandra still likes her expensive whiskey (like me!) to show she’s not the same person who Stephanie originally fell in love with. And we get a “Kanpai” call back to Episode 1!

But who’s that at the bar? When I was working on the primordial outline, I imagined this scene – Peter and Rachel meeting up with Cassandra again! Catching up after everything that’s happened. Except Peter and Rachel aren’t the same either. They’re ghouls now. They’ll be in service to Esther for as long as they live. They’ll never be entirely their own people. Like I keep saying, this story is about loss and tragedy. I wanted to send them off in a sad state for the listener.

And then Cassandra is ready to leave her old life in the Kindred world behind. She sets out a candle for Samael, who she will love forever. And that’s that.

…

This was a hard scene to write and record. I discussed this with Slip and Rachel separately. I wanted to make Slip understand that this is an assault on Cassandra. Zachery isn’t thinking clearly. He’s maniced out, for whatever reason, he’s not thinking straight. He’s been thinking to himself since he met with Cassandra, this isn’t fair. She did so much good for so many Kindred. She deserves a chance to become Kindred herself. She deserves that chance and no one else will offer it to her.

Zachery is not listening to her at all.

This is a hard scene. Thank you for making it through it. I promise, Episode 8 will be worth your time and everything you went through to get here.

It

Will

Be

Worth

Everything.