Fuck, there was so much pressure on me when I wrote this one. We had been recording since I finished Episode 5, I believe? I continued to write as we recorded – I remember Rachel and Dee were recording Episode 6 when literally Tony’s edits came in for the scene they were doing. I had to mark up their scripts with the edits because we didn’t have time to reprint them.

Anyhow, when I got to Episode 8, I had to bring all this show together. I had to deliver a satisfying ending. The outline had the ending I had been building up to, and mostly the one I used. The outline had some odd bits like Judith being there, and required a lot of logistics to make the final script flow well. The planning/script outline stage took some time, and I still don’t know whether the result nailed it like I’d hoped it would. I guess that’s on you to decide – Season 1 is done and out of my hands now, off in the court of public opinion and people seem to be liking it.

For all this show’s pretense of grand Seattle vampire drama, it’s ultimately a very intimate show, and the ending was always going to reflect that. This is the end of Cassandra’s journey, and also a new optimistic beginning. Everything has been building to her reunion with Samael. But her nativity is not the end – she must escape the base and face off against Leviathan, and only after these labors is she free. Her freedom must be earned. That is my contract with the listener.

We start with the bad news – for those who thought Cassandra would wake up Embraced, that was never going to happen. Even in the original outline where Cassandra went back to her original apartment (which she had been still paying rent on? Why? Past me, what were you thinking?), she was still going to be “saved” by Lorea and Siobhan. The Embrace was going to be botched as Zachery was high and with untreated bipolar or something. Cassandra was out for most of it. Anyhow, she’s dying, and like a 1980’s action hero, she has nothing to lose.

Poor Stephanie has to deal with a very pained and frustrated Cassandra who just wants her money to go to a good place. She really needs a day to think about whether to accept the cash, but Cassandra doesn’t have a day to give her so… things were said and money was taken. Becky did a fantastic job with Rachel. And we finally get the callback line:

STEPHANIE: (BEAT) I don’t have to sign it in blood, do I?
BLOOD DOLL: No. (BEAT) The lawyers hate that.

… with absolute seriousness and sadness. I did appreciate that I was able to take an ancient vampire joke and give it a tragic take.

Cassandra next plans with Lorea to infiltrate Kitsap for one last shot at finding Samael. She doesn’t expect it to work. But the hope is all she has left to go on. Lorea gives her a pair of GPS earrings which are still a little too James Bond for this episode but I wasn’t going to get Lorea to reveal her switch of invader later in the episode without them. Also I needed a way for Esther to find Cassandra, etc. etc.

Next, poor Amanda. Partially bullied, partially convinced to do Cassandra a favor. At least she was well-paid for her betrayal of the Camarilla. I’m still unhappy with my performance as Amanda but I have another season upcoming to figure out how I’m going to play her so… yeah… I have no idea how I’m going to distinguish her voice from my own a little more. Anyhow…

I love Rachel’s farewell letter to Elijio. It’s one of those 19th century Victorian tragic letters that fits in tone with the show. I can imagine Elijio tearing up on reading this (vampires cry blood, you know) and then thinking, wait, I’m in Seattle. I can see her again.

Once again, Cassandra returns to Kitsap with another offering in tow. This time it is Zachery’s body. Good luck figuring out anything about it, Navy, it’s a corpse.

On Cassandra’s second visit to the underworld, I imagined her absolutely sick of every Kindred’s shit. She’s furious at Thin Bloods for killing her and furious at the Sabbat for destroying her club. This is her opportunity to lash out. Cynthia and Laughing Sabbat don’t deserve this treatment. I was worried that I’d lose the audience here in which Cassandra is clearly the villain. I didn’t want the audience to be exactly on her side here. I wanted the audience to face that everyone in this scene is in a bad place and this is what happens when you have a lot of hurt people in a room together, with a complex power exchange. Cassandra’s lashing out doesn’t rescind any of her pain with Cynthia, but she does feel good about getting one over on the Sabbat. And Cynthia and the Sabbat are satisfied knowing that she will die soon. And that’s that.

Kitsap base doesn’t have that many Kindred imprisoned, or many Army Kindred left – that’ll be explained more in Season 2. Anyway, Cassandra’s final gambit pays off. The Naval Liaison takes her to Samael.

I thought a lot about this scene months before I started to write it. Actually putting it to paper was anticlimactic. I had put all this thought into it, revising the scene from a well-lit metal and glass hemisphere laboratory prison to a dark concrete cell, and when it came time to write it, I just wrote it. And cried while writing it, of course. And then looking back at what I’d written and it seemed too short. That’s not true, it was the perfect length for that scene. And yet after all the build-up that had happened, the scene itself didn’t seem long enough to pay off what had been built. But of course, it was. The scene is beautiful. In hindsight.

We start with Samael exorcising their own demons, reciting Psalm 91 over and over as they have for years, as a mantra to keep their sanity and to gain what power they can in their cell. (Soleil jokingly told me that was the only time they’d be caught reciting the Bible.) Soleil fucking nailed their line, “I will not harm that one” when Cassandra is having trouble getting inside. I love adding the lion growls to their performance in post for that extra edge.

Back in Episode 1, I had used a heavy reverb for the scenes in Lorea’s warehouse. Rachel told me that the reverb was excessive, so I backed off of it and used a lighter reverb in those scenes. I went back to that heavy reverb for Samael here. And I sent Rachel a sample and asked if it was okay if I used the heavy reverb again. She said that it was appropriate for a cell, and so yay. It works here. Always ask your crew for a second opinion of your editing work!

Finally, Samael reveals their human birth name, George Gataker, which I had intended to reveal earlier in the Blood Doll Anthology (being released next week). I just didn’t have the time and bandwidth to release the Anthology earlier, so this is when the audience learns it, for all the good that learning someone’s deadname does.

A close friend of mine has been telling me every time she feels that I’m stretching her credulity in the show, and I’m sure when I speak with her again, she’ll tell me the same about the Liaison going away and leaving Cassandra alone in a cell with Samael. Well, as reality has taught us, sometimes people in power do dumb things when they want to get an edge, and this is one of them. I just hope it wasn’t too unbelievable for her to leave. It was important that Cassandra and Samael get to see each other one last time.

You notice I cut the reverb down once they are together to show the intimacy of the moment. As always, Rachel and Soleil recorded the scene twice. At the time, we had thought that the first take would be the one I would use, but when I was editing, no, I used parts of both takes to make this scene as devastating as it turned out to be. I’m especially proud of Samael’s moment when they chide Cassandra for her “Considering my alternatives” line. They reveal how proud they are to be Kindred. This is almost the climax of the show. Be fucking proud of who you are. And Cassandra must be very proud of herself before she can be saved, if becoming cursed as a Kindred counts as this. She must also leave behind her role as Blood Doll. She will not be able to enjoy The Kiss again. Kindred don’t change, but she will have to.

It was one of the earliest concepts I had for this show, Samael biting off their tongue to feed their blood to Cassandra, and then Cassandra finding the tongue on her foot. The idea came from the film Quills, starring Geoffrey Rush as the Marquis de Sade and Kate Winslet as a woman encouraging him to write. Near the end, de Sade’s tongue is cut off to prevent him from inciting the other prisoners in his jail to riot. It was also a horribly romantic way to sacrifice oneself, particularly as a vampire, but also a very simple way to sacrifice oneself, which fit the tone of the show and the scene. I try to write everything organically happening in the plot as much as I can.

If this scene were to be shot in video, Cassandra’s face would be covered in blood by her tears, quickly wiped away when the Liaison returns with the alarms going off. Once more, I thought about Cassandra dying through what I’d learned as a Wilderness First Responder, and as Lorea had already described the process, Cassandra only needed to give the Cliff Notes version. But what’s done is done. Now Cassandra is a Kindred and Samael is no more. The listener has learned what diablerie is, and now has seen that it can be self-inflicted.

The alarm and the Liaison tear the listener out of the scene, back into what’s happening in the base. Some group is attacking them and whoops! Cassandra has a very hungry Beast now, also performed to perfection by Soleil since I try to voice all Beasts by their sires. I was also very much looking forward to this scene since Cassandra would have to mask herself (autistically-speaking) as long as she possibly could. I added the spray to worry the listener constantly – will she get found out? I originally had no idea how she would pass the vampire-detection spray until I realized I hadn’t paid the bit of Samael’s tongue off yet. Two hanging threads solved each other and Samael’s body turns to dust.

I remember excitedly (autistically) telling everyone involved with the project, “And then Cassandra has to mask her way out!” In retrospect, this scene seems a little long for teasing out whether or not she will be discovered, or maybe it’s perfect. I don’t know. Anyway, the TAM established back in Episode 3 that after diablerizing a Kindred, the living Kindred inherits the mind of the diablerized Kindred as an alter. And so Samael reveals themselves, that they are with Cassandra from here on, as a part of her.

In the next scene in the truck – come on, I wasn’t going to let Cassandra mask her way off the base. Her Beast is too strong and it wouldn’t be any fun if there wasn’t a high stakes climax to the show! Rachel especially liked shouting “This is who I am!” and definitely did it more than twice. Anyhow, her first murder! And it doesn’t sate her thirst because she’s a Ventrue like Samael! And her curse demands she have a “refined palate” and can only drink from a subset of humans – they must have a preference and only feed on that preference. And boy howdy, do I have thoughts about this! Sarah, who played Vanishing Girl, knows more about VtM than I do, and insisted that this is because Ventrue are supposed to be nobility and so have very particular tastes. Of course, that’s some classist-ass bullshit because who do you know who hasn’t got particular tastes? Some people prefer McDonald’s over Burger King. Some people like M&Ms over gourmet chocolate. You eat what you’re used to, and rich people are actually more likely to eat from a wider amount of styles of cuisine than folks who need to prepare it themselves. You know who are picky eaters? Autistic people, and we’re everywhere in every socioeconomic strata.

Anyhow, the whole “Venture are picky eaters” thing comes off even worse in Paradox’s Fifth Edition Laws of the Night where their victim’s body types and lifestyles all help determine what a Ventrue can or can’t eat. To me, like many things in Vampire: The Masquerade, this feels like a holdover from the 1990s where cishet guys kept telling each other they had “types”, as in “I’m an ass man,” “I like blondes,” “I like them young,” etc etc you know where this is going. “Types” were bullshit back then and “types” are… well, people are allowed to have preferences. That’s fine. But limiting their preferences to “things cishets like” feels like cowardice. Earlier versions of these lore books said that “homosexuals” were a preference and vampires already have this whole preoccupation with attacking vulnerable communities and “people that 1990s Karens would rather not see on the street” and let’s not get into that here or this rant will go on longer than it already has.

So I made it simple – Cassandra’s bane is attraction. It’s not specific to waist measurements or what type of underwear you wear on Wednesdays. Just plain simple attraction.

I also appreciate that Soleil voices three characters in this one scene (Cassandra’s Beast, Samael, and the truck driver). Well fucking done.

And Lorea’s final lines in Season 1 are admitting that she got the Sabbat to invade the base. Originally I thought the Anarchs would be going in but then I thought, hey, you know what a good twist would be? Also it doesn’t make sense for the Anarchs to risk themselves like that.

Anyhow, Cassandra needs to eat before she has enough strength to escape. So she meets Ruth. And SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 – Ruth is going to be an important character. And I was like, fuck, I need to cast someone as Ruth who will be around to record next season but who I haven’t already cast and I’m running out of polycule here! Aurora was a friend of a friend of a partner who had recently moved to Seattle and I was like, let’s see how she does! And she’s going to be great next season.

So Cassandra kills a bunch of soldiers as they fuck up her body with bullets. More SFX! Even more SFX! And then consent! As much consent as Ruth can possibly give at that moment.

Also apologies to Soleil for making Samael say “carotid” in their accent as many times as I did. It wasn’t easy to speak all those, and I have the recordings to prove it.

I wanted to show Cassandra getting into her role as a god as soon as possible. She understands the risks she’s facing in trying to escape capture, and also how weak she is. The bluff scene with the other soldiers was a good way for her to use her human cunning instead of just more SFX gore and snaps.

I really should have cut the scene where she hides from the drones inside the buildings but it’s fine and it shows her learning to use her Dominating power and get a truck key. So, I don’t know. It would have required a new shorter bridge scene and more studio time. I think I’m good.

And then we have a little action scene where Cassandra jumps a fence. Fun times. And then…

Well, it wouldn’t be fair if Cassandra didn’t have to face other Kindred during her escape, particularly ones she knows. Vanishing Girl is back, as is Esther! And Cassandra is freshly made and doesn’t have a clue about how to wield her power and her body. It’s not looking good for her! But yes, they’ve been tracking her on the base and as a vampire, she is unauthorized. She needs to die.

Thank goodness Elijio shows up. Rachel was telling me that Dillon seemed excited when she told them that Elijio has a big sweeps-into-action sequence. Yay!

So, regarding Cassandra’s chasing off Esther, I’ve thought a lot about drones. I wrote a whole show about them. So I figured they could use a little cameo here to help scare off Esther. Not much else was going to save Cassandra and her shattered, broken body.

Finally, she escapes into the water and makes it onto a boat, just like she planned.

So I grew up on Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I know boats. And the thing that terrified me going into this scene was whether or not I was going to get the foley to sound just right. I wanted Cassandra to escape on a Boston Whaler and those boats have a very particular sound. I also had to make sure that I used water sounds from lakes, not the ocean, because this scene takes place in Puget Sound, which does not have waves like the ocean. I was scared I would have to find a boat myself in dry dock and record the effects myself, which I preferred not to do because I was on a deadline to finish this episode. Fortunately, I was able to find sounds close enough to what I remember Boston Whalers sounding like, such that the final Jaws sequence with Leviathan sounds all right to me.

I needed one last battle for Cassandra, just as she thought she had escaped. You know those scenes where you think the killer is dead and then they… anyway I had always planned for this fight sequence to happen. I even had a lot of the details down in the outline, including Leviathan flipping the boat and Cassandra having to climb on the hull. Yet again this was a complex scene to foley but I was expecting it and I especially liked how the “swimming underwear” portions sounded. I like this Old Man and the Sea battle against the natural world that Cassandra must endure before she earns her freedom. And she earns it by doing a thing no other Kindred has ever done – survive an encounter with Leviathan.

And then we have our ending, which bookends with Milton’s Paradise Lost quote again, that we started the show with. The end echoes the beginning and Cassandra has her whole new life ahead of her.

Unlife.

You know what the fuck I mean.

See you in Season 2.

…

Now, this show is nothing without the wonderful people who comprise the Not Ready for Opsec Players, and I want to give thanks to all of them.

To Katherine Cross, seduced by her wife’s reading of the scripts enough to join the cast, your diabolical spirit brought Lorea to life in ways I never anticipated, especially in your crowning soliloquy in Episode 5. You brought strength to the strongest character and warmth to Rachel’s performance.

To Michael A. Wolfe, I know that Brian was the furthest from Berry that I could take a character, and you rose to the challenge and delivered the most slimiest and techbro of performances. I will never stop hearing “kidding!” in your voice.

To Trunk Slamchest, we’ve been working together for a while, through Brittle Tourniquet and such, and your vocal range sends my jaw to the floor every time. I can’t imagine anyone else doing intros and especially TAM’s sleazy game show host voice. Terrify me more, please.

To Dee Arbacauskas, what the fuck am I going to say to you here that I haven’t told you in person? Your delivery is astonishing every time, you are the ultimate scream queen, and your Judith had my editor Tony begging for more of you. I cannot wait to have your voice invigorate the show again next season as Josephine.

To Cait Motter, your Esther had me and everyone else who heard the show swooning. You absolute glorious ham. You’re amazing and charismatic as fuck. I’m so glad to have you on the cast again, traumatizing the listeners in a different way this time.

To Alyrian Sigil, I wasn’t sure we could pull Siobhan off and you made me believe. Your range from Rachel to Cynthia blew my mind. I should just follow you around with an H4N because you lead such an amazing life and I’m privileged that you came and shared some of that with us here on the show.

Ed Astra knows what he did.

To Just Another Twink, you did fantastic for your first audio work, and I see only greatness coming for you in the future. You showed Peter’s growth from a little bitch into a tragic hero. Definitely going to bring you back for the next season if you’ll come.

To Dillon, I’m glad that Rachel and I broke your monotone into a fabulous emotional range, giving Elijio a seductive, nurturing and caring voice to cut through Cassandra’s defenses. I can hear your smirk in your delivery – well done.

To Ellu, this show may have felt like a lark to you, but it hits me stone hard in the gut every time, and your Simon was an instrumental part of it. Thank you thank you for coming to my studio and saying these stupid words into a mic and turning them into a believable, if silly, character.

To Sangria, you were amazing as always. I’m sorry I didn’t give you as much vocal range as I did on Brittle Tourniquet because you have such incredible talent. You gave me the best Arturo I could hope for. I’ll see what else I can do for you next season.

To Amber Ashe, fuck you, you’re incredible, keep telling me how I keep fucking up VtM lore. Your Aaralyn was spotless, on point, and you understood the assignment. I so want to do that TTRPG with you.

To Becky Haston, Stephanie was written for you, and then you went and took Stephanie, made her your own and gave her right back to me. I can’t think of a better performer for her than you. Well fucking done. You’re amazing as always and you fucking nailed it.

To Julia Lunetta, we’ve worked together for so long, I can’t imagine doing a show without you, even if you can’t come to my studio. You’re fresh, solid, and I’ve always been jealous of your voice. You are an entertainer through and through. Please keep doing that, even in these silly bit parts.

To Sarah Frost, your impish voice and incredible sense of humor shine through all your performances, from Annette to Vanishing Girl. You’re just divine and I hope we have you again next season.

To Maeve O., fucking hell, girl. You did two voices on my show and each of them slap. You did the fucking Cassandra’s Choice scene with Judith, with only me and you in the studio, and people talk about that as being one of the highlights of Episode 4. Well fucking done.

To Slip, fuuuuuuck, you did some of the hardest scenes, including the cliffhanger of Episode 7 as Zachery. And you delivered. Thank you thank you for everything you gave.

To Patrick Colvin, I cannot thank you enough for playing such a despicable character and playing him well. It was your first gig and you got there. You truly got there. You helped tie the end of Episode 4 together with your fantastic Mr. Boswill. Holy hell, well done!

To Myra Vixen, you were in one of the most intense scenes as Mandy and you did so much with so little variation in the dialogue. The listeners could feel you shaking from full defensive mode to opening up toe Lorea. You delivered. Thank you.

To Thomas Hale, thank you for putting up with my bullshit. You truly rocked. Felix was great. Also everybody should listen to Flash in the Pan, the podcast about early 2000s Flash animation. You’ll be glad you did.

To Kelsey Astra, yaaaaaay thank you for being on my show! Your Nichole was a lovely wisecrack-spreading vampire woman and you broke hearts in that last scene. You sold that character and I will be forever grateful.

To KC, you were tight as Sophia. Aw, damn, you were gooooood. Keep that smarm up. Thanks for showing up in my studio and we’ll do it again next time, please?

To Aurora Basile, we’ll have more for you to say next time. A lot more. Trust me, and Rachel will probably agree with me on this – you will be sick of recording by the time we’re done. Thank you so much for popping your head in this season. You were definitely cute getting bitten.

To my editor, Tony Amato, we’ve been working together years before even Supervillainz. You have steered me in directions I might have otherwise been afraid to go. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for everything you’ve given me and I hope I’ve given enough back.

To my artist, Charles Schneeflock Snow, everybody loves everything you’ve done and those stickers you designed fucking rock too. The whole cast thinks the Blood Doll drawing is incredible and, no joke, one person on a Discord said they’d listen to Blood Doll because of your art. Thank you again.

And now the two biggest thank yous I could possibly give.

Soleil, you made Samael happen. You know what this means. You broke hearts. You made people love Samael. You made Cassandra love Samael. And you made me love Samael more than I thought I possibly ever could. You made this show happen. I remember when you called me after I sent you the final reunion scene, crying because of the words I had you say. Well, I was crying too, because of your delivery. And Jotham – sweet sweet badass Jotham – you brought him to life too. Fuck, hon. You made this happen. Thank you thank you thank you. I want you to know what an incredible fucking performer you are. I couldn’t write this stuff without having someone who could make it sound natural and you do that almost effortlessly. Well, well, well fucking done. I want so much for you. I want other casting directors to hear you and hear what I hear from you. I want you to charm the fucking world because you’re so good at it.

And finally, Rachel. Rachel, this is your show. The amount of time and dedication and rehearsal you’ve put into Cassandra is just incredible. I am beyond words trying to think about how to thank you. You took Cassandra through a god damned plethora of emotional experiences, from assault to ecstasy to telling off a room full of bloodthirsty vampires. From submission to dominance, you took Cassandra further than I possibly could have with any other actor. You always half-joke about being the star but really, truly, you are the star. You fucking made this show. The listener could always count on you to set the emotional tone of every scene. I could always count on you to elevate my ridiculous vampire story to a sweeping epic about a trans woman’s big break into power – and her descent back down the mountain. How dare you be this good, Rachel. How fucking dare you.

-Alicia E. Goranson, Writer, Editor, Director, Producer for the Not Ready for Opsec Players